Friday, June 10, 2011

Stuff That Bugs Me (In Movies)

People who know me know that I LOVE movies. But of course, when you watch movies over and over you start to notice things that, well, get to you. This is even true of movies I watch with my daughter (as you'll see). These things don't totally detract from the overall enjoyment of the show mind you. But they do strike a nerve every time they come up. So, without further ado, here's a list:

Transylmania -- I liked this show a lot more than the critics did. It delivers exactly what you expect from a teen-slasher-sex romp (about vampires), and Jennifer Lyons turns out an awesome performance (maybe I'll review it in full some time). But I get bugged when they're on the train and Brady (Joshua "Worm" Miller) says, "I bet Van Sloan's ancestors are still searchin' for that music box." You mean descendants, right? Ancestors come before you.

Pirates of the Caribbean (all three) -- Every time Will or Elizabeth yell, "Fire!" or "Fire all!" I just can't wait for some experienced sailor to throw them overboard. They're passengers, yet somehow just because they have a good idea now and then they figure they can yell orders to the crew? STFU and let the professionals work.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace -- Pretty much everything Anakin (Jake Lloyd) says. Actually, every line Anakin says in the three prequel movies. But in Ep.1, the line "R2, get us off this autopilot. It's gonna get us BOTH killed," just tears it for me. opposed to just one of you getting killed under manual control? Or as opposed to only you, and not the robot, being killed? Stupid line.

Oh, and the much earlier line from the pilot during the escape scene: "The shield generator's been hit!" So, the shields are pretty much useless if they can't even protect the thing that generates them. Why waste droids fixing it? "We'll be sitting ducks!" Uh huh...because having a working shield generator made a huge difference, right? Aside from the fact that it was hit and broken. If I had to spout this line, I don't think I could do it. I'd be like, "George, um...really? I know we need a reason to meet R2, but what's the point of having a shield generator that doesn't generate a shield strong enough to protect itself?"

Army of Darkness -- Possibly the greatest cult adventure movie of all time. Ash (Bruce Campbell) is the perfect legendary badass. Everybody should be like him. And the lines he has in this movie are absolutely legend. But the very first line of narration bugs me: "My name is Ash, and I am a slave." No...slaves toil. What you are is a captive. And how are you narrating? You're telling the story (we find out later) to your fellow employee at the S-Mart, so this is kind of a weird place to start anyway.

Sesame Street: Abby in Wonderland -- Yes, there's a Sesame Street version of Alice in Wonderland featuring Abby Caddaby in the part of Alice, Elmo as the Rabbit, and a host of other favourite characters doing fairy tale things. It's actually really funny. But what bugs me is right at the beginning when she's stacking books so she can brush up on her fairy tales. We learn just seconds later that she can't read. What was she planning on studying?

(Parents: if you don't have this movie yet, get it. It's awesome!)

Accents -- This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. If you're an American actor, and you're attempting a so-so British accent so as to appear more convincing as a Greek demi-god or space princess, do yourself a favour and make sure you tell the director you're not that good at accents so they'll keep their ears open and try to keep you on track. It ruins your performance if you have a different accent in every scene.

I'm talking to you, Brad Pitt and Carrie Fisher.

Keanu Reeves' accent in Bram Stoker's Dracula was terrible, as was Drew Barrymore's in Ever After. But at least they were consistent. I can't stand the accents the extras use in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. They really don't get it. Really.

I have no doubt that this list will keep growing. These were just a few things that jumped out at me this week.

1 comment:

  1. I think you have to laugh at those moments.

    Bear in mind of course that movies like Star Wars and Sesame Street are meant for children, and Lucas even said he was doing the same thing he did back in 77 when the first Star Wars came out. It's a science fiction film, but in order to please 2 audiences, those being of children and grown men in their 30's and both groups want to be Jedis when they grow up. Not an easy thing to do.

    Who can forget the amazing ability of Kevin Costner as an actor to have the audacity to forego his accent in Prince of Thieves? That takes balls, or lack of brains.

    And let's never underestimate Arnold Schwarzenegger, still a hero of mine, despite his bad press, of one of his first movies in which he plays Hercules and because he was unable to eliminate his Austrian accent, the DVD comes equipped with a voice-over option. Too funny.