Monday, January 14, 2013

Super easy online dating method (really?)

So, a popular online dating guru just blasted an email that's not quite up to the level of his usual content. This is how it goes:

"New" internet dating method closing at almost 75%: 
1. Send opener message
2. When she replies, PAY ATTENTION
and continue the conversation
3. Exchange phone numbers with the
intent of meeting
4. Meet in person, if its "on", stay or go
home with her.
5. if not, politely end the date and repeat
step 1.
This approach has gotten me 17 phone numbers this
month so far, allowed an average guy like me to date
models, strippers and everything in between and has
gotten me as many as 73 phone numbers in a single
My tools are a profile, 3 emails and my mobile phone.
The "trick" is knowing what to do then have the right
tools to do it.

OK, all fair enough. But this isn't "New." It's how you actually conduct online dating. So what's the deal?

I suspect there's going to be a follow up involving the profile and 3 emails mentioned at the end of the otherwise uninformative piece above. Likely an upsell explaining how to do these things effectively. After all, it's not like countless guys aren't already doing this exact order of steps. The trouble is Step 2. What if she doesn't reply? Then the whole system falls apart.

A more realistic view for most guys online goes something like this:

1. Send opener message
2. Wait three days with no reply
3. Send follow up message
4. Possibly get blocked (why do women block guys after a single follow up message anyway?); If not, possibly get ignored again. Either way, wait three more days with no reply
5. IF she replies, PAY ATTENTION and continue the conversation. With luck (LUCK) she'll also continue the conversation.
6. Exchange phone numbers with the intent of meeting. NO! Plan to meet, then exchange phone numbers. Seriously, in my experience if you go for the digits first you'll get nothing but resistance. She has to want to know you or she won't trust you with her number.
7. Meet in person. If it's "on," stay. There's almost no chance of going home with her after one date (and why would you want to?!)
8. If not, politely end the date and start all over again.
Fine, that might be a bit cynical. But really, if it were as simple as message, converse, exchange numbers, meet, don't you think more guys would have more consistent success with their online dating? I'll grant that most guys whose opener message is "hi" probably aren't going to engage much of a conversation. But those who do make an effort to be interesting/interested/funny/engaging/sincere are still often stuck at Step 2.

I hate it when "gurus" make it sound like what they do is somehow magically better than the average guy's results. In this case, he claims this approach has a 75% closure rate ("closing" means getting the date, I assume), and that this exact "method" has landed him 17 phone numbers this month alone.

For what it's worth, I'm batting zero for phone numbers, and 2% on replies to my "opener message." I'll admit I'm focused more on the website and on work than I am on landing dates, but still...


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